Naming my babies

In an effort to help my heart stop hurting and as a memorial to my two babies in heaven I started a memory box and scrapbook. It is difficult to do, but I feel like it is something I must do. I have started the first few pages and when I showed my husband he seemed so sad. I asked him what was wrong. He hated the idea that I had the title “Baby Number 1” & “Baby Number 2” above significant dates for each baby. It hurt him that there even has to be a book, let alone numbers for each of our lost babies. It made me feel sad that I never thought to give either one of them a name. Brian was reluctant to name them; I think he felt it would make it more difficult to move on. After a long discussion last night we decided that these babies deserve a name and a better way to be remembered.

It was difficult because we never knew their gender, but they each seemed to have their own personality and story.  During my first pregnancy, I hardly had any symptoms (compared to the second). I felt great; I had a sense of calmness. This baby was conceived in Jamaica and it was an exciting time for both of us as we were ready to start our family. Our trip to Jamaica was relaxing and fun and it brought us closer together.  Baby Marley seems like a perfect fit. We have always enjoyed Jamaican music and the sound of steel drums and one night on vacation we danced under the stars to a live band performing “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley and it was an amazing moment that I’ll never forget.  When I think of Baby Marley, I think of the love that we shared and the beautiful spirit of the Jamaican people, vibrant with a happy love for life.  I know Baby Marley is happy and carefree.

We’ll remember and love our second baby as Baby Franklin. This pregnancy was a lot different. I seemed to have all the symptoms, plus I was quite a bit more concerned and worried during this pregnancy.  This baby was conceived in Philadelphia. I joined my husband on the tail end of his business trip and it was  an amazing vacation, filled with history and pride for our Country. Philadelphia is the home to Ben Franklin, a man whom my husband and I both admire and respect.  Our baby, like Ben Franklin, had a great sense of humor; making me have to pee all the time and at the most inopportune times, giving mommy, who is/was a vegetarian, cravings for meat and more meat. I feel like I could almost feel the baby chuckle at these things.  I know Baby Franklin would have been a delight, very tenacious, and incredibly unique.